Episode 68: Psalm 81:10,16
Transcription
Today’s verse is Psalm 81:10,16.
I am the Lord your God,
who brought you up out of Egypt.
Open wide your mouth and I will fill it.
But you would be fed with the finest of wheat;
with honey from the rock I would satisfy you.
Let’s pray together.
Today I reflect on all the times that I felt unsatisfied, that I felt forgotten, that I felt imprisoned, that I felt without. There have been so many seasons when I felt abandoned or left behind or envious of what others had and I did not. I thought that I wasn’t good enough or brave enough or smart enough or pretty enough or enough of anything. I thought that it was up to me to get what I wanted or needed because it didn’t feel like anyone else was going to provide it.
If I’m honest, God, sometimes I still think that way. Okay, I feel that way a lot of the time. Not consciously. My head tells me the truth, but my heart speaks what I truly believe and how I really feel. It whispers in the night and holds my hand in the day and nudges me to make decisions. And when I look at those decisions and my own actions, I have to confess that awful truth—that I’m trusting in myself rather than You.
So let me speak the real truth, the ultimate, final truth and declare it to myself and the world. I need You. God, I need You. I don’t need myself. I don’t need anybody else. I need You. Are You going to use me and others to provide for me, of course. But the core belief I can hold tight is that You are the source of every good thing. You are the Provider of my soul. Every good gift comes down from the Father of lights. You died so that I would be saved. You gave everything to give me everything.
I thank You for this. I don’t do it often enough. Help my gratitude be strong. Help my humility be overflowing. It is You. Only You. And I need to relinquish control of my own destiny. I need to release my death-grip on my life and path and direction and decisions. But I need Your help to do it. I really don’t know how to let go. I don’t know how to trust despite my fear. I don’t know how to surrender to Your will. Holy Spirit, teach me.
Teach me the abundance and generosity of Your nature. Teach me how natural it is to allow You to decide what’s best for me. You created me. You know me better than anyone, intimately, inside and out. You have a plan and a purpose for me. You saw each of my days before they came into existence. How could I not believe in that? How could I not trust that? Each day, each moment, help me surrender just that little bit more. Change my heart so that it is soft, yielding, safe in Your hands.
Help me to remember what You have already done. Help me to be grateful and speak my gratitude to You and to others. God, I am in the month that reminds me to give thanks, but do I really remember to give thanks to You specifically? To point to You as the author of every good thing? Teach me these things, a consistent pattern of remembrance that always leads back to You. And when I forget, gently lead me back. Help me make progress, and not be frustrated by my failures.
Jesus, I am so happy and so excited for the future. It shines gloriously bright before me. Things I never dreamed of are glistening and beckoning to me. Achievements wild and unknown already exist in my past. The present is a sunshine rainbow of hope. My days are laughter and dreams. Warm, tender, true love bathes my every thought. All of this is because of You. Everything has changed, but the change is because of You and has nothing to do with me. All goodness in me exists because of You.
So today I declare that You are my LORD and You have delivered me from the past and You have good things for my future. You will lead me through every desert road, part every red sea, and bring me to Your promised land. I am Your child, trusting in the good nature of my Father. I open wide my mouth, eager for the good things that You will fill it with. I know You want to give me the finest and best things. You want nothing but joy and love for me. Even when I am in the valleys, the hard places, the narrow paths, Your hand is tightly holding mine and Your light shines in the darkness. You will never give me anything that I can’t trust.
Satisfy me, Jesus. Be the hope and love of my soul, sanctifying and renewing my spirit with Yours. I want only the honey that comes from the Rock of Ages. I will never be happy with anything else. It’s only You. All else will fail me. All else will be only a momentary happiness. I waited for so long, when all I had to do was trust.
When I wait again, when I feel forgotten again, when I feel useless or like a failure or that I am alone or broken, help me to lift my eyes to You. Help me to remember that You are my everything. My only thing. The Sustainer, Redeemer, Provider, Healer, Giver, Comforter. Most Holy. Most Merciful. Most Tender. Most True. You are the only Never-Failing, Always-Reliable, Complete and Full Person.
I kneel. I give You my heart, my everything. I trust. I follow. Please do not fail my broken and wounded heart. I am humbly grateful. I love You.
I pray this in Jesus’ beautiful, redeeming, gracious name. Amen.
