Episode 26: Psalm 62:8
Transcription
Today’s verse is Psalm 62:8
Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us.
Let’s pray together.
Jesus, I don’t trust You enough. I am working on it, You know that I am. So often these days You are showing me who You are, what You are capable of, and You consistently prove Yourself to me. Yet, still, I tend to trust in myself, in my own abilities, in what I know I can do. Is it because You will always be somewhat of a mystery to us humans? We will spend eternity moving closer to You and still never know. Some might find that discouraging, but I am comforted by that. It serves to prove to me once again that You are worthy to be trusted because I will never be able to fully fathom You out.
But trusting You is an exercise in vulnerability and I think we are scared of that, LORD. I know I am. We have been hurt so many times by the people in our lives, by the circumstances we find ourselves in, by the choices we make for ourselves. We have learned to be guarded, learned to fend for ourselves, learned to try and control everything around us. At least then we know what we’re getting ourselves into. We know who to blame when it goes wrong. We know we can depend on ourselves to try. Jesus, save us from us self-important protection. It is useless.
I make strides towards trusting You, but, Jesus, I want it all the time. I want every second of my existence to be dependent on You. It truly already is, but I want to feel it and know it and surrender to it. You are the giver of our life, the giver of our breath, the giver of our talents, our bodies, our families, our birth place, our ability to learn. May I be aware, not just intellectually, but deep within myself, of this fact. May I learn to be grateful for it and to trust in it. Help me to learn that I am not the keeper of my own time. All times are from You and only You are not bound by it. I do not need to so desperately control what happens in my day, what others do with time, with how I can achieve something. Because I am to trust in You at all times. In good or bad, sad or happy, alone or surrounded by others. Every second belongs to You.
But, Jesus, I am afraid of relinquishing control to You. Like most fear, this is illogical, but very real. You have never failed me. You have been with me through every hard moment. You have always comforted me. Most times when I was lost and afraid and sad and angry, they were moments when I had blocked You out, when I had told You I would handle it on my own. You ask me to pour out my heart to You. This tells me we are safe to tell You our troubles. You are not afraid of our anger. You can handle our feelings. You desire connection and intimacy, even when we are not praising You. How prideful am I to think that by refusing to give up control and to tell You what I feel and by being unwilling to be vulnerable means that I am somehow more capable than the Creator of the universe!
Instead create in me humility, not thinking of myself in hateful terms, but instead thinking of myself less. I do not need to worry about me at all. I am held in Your hands. You are my Shepherd. You are a strong place of refuge. All power belongs to You. Steadfast love is the hallmark of who You are. You give generously, without ceasing. Salvation is ours, that we could not win or buy. It was freely given through You, Jesus. You are so kind and compassionate and You desire to give us mercy and grace. May we stop shunning it and pushing You away and attempting to be our own savior.
The battle rages outside, Jesus. Help me to run to You. I am hungry and worried about the future. Help me to run to You. Others hate and revile me. Help me to run to You. The devil and his powers of darkness threaten to overwhelm me. Help me to run to You. I am weak and frail and in pain. Help me to turn to You. I am ravaged by loss and grief-stricken. Help me to run to You.
Let this be true for all who hear me today. Help us to run to You. Be our strong tower, a refuge against our foe. Help us to talk to You and to trust in You. We love You, Jesus, help us to love You more.
In Your name I pray. Amen.
